Ummamum’s Night Before Christmas

Written by Charlie & Joe Petitt
December 24, 2002 and December 22, 2003[1]


’Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
All the creatures were stirring, even the mouse.
The stockings had holes, and the nylons had runs,
All the Ummamums sat around, freezing their buns.

The pages were nestled all snug on the site,
With visitors reading each sweet kilobyte;
The Ummamums were all tucked away in their beds,
Except for a few of the Ummamum heads,

When from the PC there arose such a chatter,
One sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.
A search engine robot was crawling the site,
and the Ummamum attacked it with all of his might.

Then up on the screen there appeared a strange sight:
A Santa Claus dressed in a suit red and white;
His face was all green, and his front teeth stuck out —
It was Ummamum Santa, beyond any doubt!

The terminal screen could contain him no more;
Out forward he came, ’til he stood on the floor,
and said, “Whassup, homeys? What is your desire
for Christmas this year? Oops, I’ve broken a wire!”

“Hold on!” said the Ummies. “Do you mean to say
You’re bringing us gifts, with no reindeer or sleigh?
No pack full of goodies? How can you deliver?”
Umm Santa replied, as his belly did quiver:

“The things that you need, I can surely secure,
Plus a few that you want, if you think they’ll endure;
Now think all this over, then show me your list —
Make any wrong choices…” then he shook his fist.

The Ummamums knew they were in quite a pinch,
First thinking their Christmas list would be a cinch,
and now realizing they needed to think
of meaningful choices — and quick as a wink!

“We need a new furnace,” one Ummamum said,
“And new clothes,” said another, while scratching his head.
Another chimed in, “Our computer is broke.
If Santa gets stuck here, will he have a stroke?”

At last they presented Umm Santa their list.
It was very complete; not one item was missed.
As he read off each wish, with a blink of one eye,
Every object appeared, plus a hot apple pie!

The furnace was fixed, and new clothes lay about,
The computer was brand new — no reason to pout!
With plenty of food, and a warm dwelling too,
The Umms were all happy when Santa was through.

His mission accomplished, Umm Santa did say,
“I gotta get going; see you some other day,”
Then went out through the screen, just the way he had come.
Saying “Merry Christmas to All and… UMMA-MUMMA-MUM!”