You Know You’ve Been Drinking Way Too Much Coffee When…
Found on the Internet, September 19, 2000
Posted here April 28, 2022
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- You just completed another sweater and you don’t know how to knit.
- The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
- The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
- You’re so jittery that people use your hands to shake paint cans.
- Cocaine is a downer.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s
not plugged in.
- Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
- Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
- When you call radio talk shows, they ask you to turn yourself down.
- Your life goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
- You channel surf faster without a remote.
- You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
- You help your dog chase its tail.
- You’re up to four heart attacks a day.
- Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyd’s of London.
- You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
- You think CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.”
- Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
- You think Colombia would be a great vacation destination!
- You’re passing everybody on the freeway when you suddenly realize:
you left your car at home!