I would like someday to go to the stars,
to a place where no one has ever gone before.
I would like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.
My aspirations, my hopes, my dreams
are but the icing on the cake of my feeble existence.
I am the rust that corrupts your sink pipes.
I am the pain that surges through your backside.
I am the ick in Ichabod.
I am the yuck in the yucca plant.
I am the alien in alienation.
I am the spice that no one has thyme for…
I am the Ummamum.
“The what?” you ask. “What in heaven’s name is an Ummamum?”
In all fairness and honesty, I’m not exactly sure. And frankly, my dear Scarlet, I don’t give a… diddly. I just enjoy being exactly who I am—an ordinary person whose brain has degraded to mush.
So as you’re browsing this section, please remember that I’m only human—if that’s what you call an Ummamum. If there’s an error in my grammar, spelling or punctuation, by all means cut me a little slack. Oh, how I’ve tried to make it perfect! But I know it will never be perfect, because I am imperfect.
But by George, if there’s an error in my XHTML—
you have full permission to crucify me!
More Ummamum-Related Pages:
- Ummamum’s Surprise — Includes animations and brief sound clips.
- Umm’s Colors — background colors for Web pages.
- Umm! Textured Backgrounds — background images for Web pages.
- Valentine Love Page — the Ummamum is mentioned in a rhyme.
- Our Christmas GIF to You — Ummamum dresses up as Santa Claus.
- Photos of the Ummamum birthday cake — May 28, 2001.
- Ummamum face in checkers — June 30, 2001.
- Three Um’s or Two O’s, Which Is It? — November 12, 2001.
- About Oo, Ummamum & Our New Site — November 16, 2001.
- Ummamums on Christmas Packages — December 25, 2001.
- Ummamums at Halloween — October 31, 2003.
- Ummamum Christmas ornament — December 2003.
- Ummamum’s Night Before Christmas — December 23, 2003.
- Ummamum Santa Christmas ornament — December 25, 2004.
- I’m the Umm — October 27, 2005.