Shorts 2000


Our son, Joe, learned in school that earthquakes are caused when two or more crustal plates push against each other, producing stress. So Joe asked the teacher, “If the earth’s crust is under stress, why doesn’t it see a psychiatrist?”


HTML — Abbreviation for “Hotmail.” (and you thought it was HyperText Markup Language. Ha!)

JavaScript — Text for a theatrical production, written about coffee, or while drinking coffee.

Ummamum — Visit our OK… So What’s an Ummamum? page for that one!


August 18, 2000

Joe is into Digimon, and he has drawn a fair number of pictures of fake Digimon, that is, ones he made up himself. This morning, Wendi told him, “I’m surprised you haven’t drawn a Mommymon and Daddymon yet!”

“I have drawn a Mummymon,” he replied, “but I’ve decided to keep him under wraps for now.”

Much later, a real Mummymon was revealed on the Digimon show!

Ummamum Virus?

July 26, 2000

Recently I spoke with one of my co-workers who was having computer problems. “It keeps locking up, and I can’t access the Internet or manage my files,” he told me.

Anxious to tell him about my website, I said, “Well, if you ever get back online, go to AltaVista and search for Ummamum.”

A frightened look came over his face. “What?!” he exclaimed. “Do you think I have a virus?”

(NOTE: AltaVista was acquired by Yahoo in 2003, then shut down in 2013.)

Filthy Animal

When Joe was little, he loved to watch the movie Home Alone. He especially liked the part where the guy on the video would say “Keep the change, you filthy animal.” On Joe’s fifth birthday, we took him to dinner at the Ground Round. When we paid the waitress for our order, after the meal, Joe chimed in with “Keep the change, you filthy animal.” We explained to the waitress that it was a line from Home Alone. We all had a good laugh.

Three weeks later, the waitress quit her job at Ground Round and came to work at the same office I was working in at the time. She recognized me right away. “I know you!” she said. “Your son called me a filthy animal!” We had another good laugh. During the few months she spent at our company, we became good friends.

Leave a Tip

June 25, 2000

We ate dinner at Country Kitchen tonight. It wasn’t really dinner, but breakfast, because that’s what we all ordered. Anyway, when we were finished, Wendi asked me if I planned to leave a tip. Just then, Joe chimed in with this remark: “Be sure to take off your shoes when you enter the house, especially if they’re muddy. There’s my tip.”

What’s the Difference?

Q: What is the difference between an almost-used-up roll of film and a heavyset man?

A: The film has a few frames left on the roll, and the heavyset man has a few rolls on his frame.